10 things wrong with 50 Shades of Grey

Yes, the next craze has hit the stores: 50 Shades of Grey. I was really excited to read this at first because I thought “Oh, an erotic novel! It should be good.”

I was wrong.

1. Anastasia Steele: don’t tell me that at 22, you have never been attracted to a man before you met Christian Grey. It is completely natural, get over yourself. On top of that, stop being so desperate, needy, confused, clumsy, and overall stupid.

2. Christian Grey is domineering, controlling, condescending, abusive, and self absorbed. Basically, he is satan re-incarnated.

3. Nobody refers to their lady parts as their “inner goddess.”

4. Nobody signs sex contracts, except for in this God forsaken book.

5. Every orgasm Ana has in the book is more or less the same. I wish the author had spared us the agony of reading painfully detailed descriptions of them.

6. If a guy stalks you on your trip to see you mom, it is a huge ass red flag waving at you in your face. Trust it.

7. There are other forms of communication apart from e-mail, perhaps Christian and Ana should explore them.

8. College is about more than studying towards a degree, it’s about finding out more about yourself and your life. If Ana can make such a dire mistake after college, she hasn’t learned anything.

9. If you are mature enough to do BDSM, you are mature enough to buy your own bloody birth control.

10. Having an older woman sleep with a teenager is not normal – Christian is obviously screwed up if he thinks it is.

There you have it. I think if I put my mind to it, I could find 50 things wrong with this book. If you don’t want to read the equivalent of a never-ending horror show, I suggest you return the book.

Random Stuff To Do For Happiness

Walk in the rain. Say “I love you”. Confront your fears. Take initiative. Compliment someone. Take advantage of the sun when it is out. Try a new ice cream flavour. Close your eyes, open a random page of a cookbook, and make that recipe TONIGHT. Take pictures. Shop at sales. Laugh. Play on a playground. Re-examine the influence the people in your life are having on you, then get rid of those who add negativity. DoodleWake up to see the sunrise. Stay out to see the sunset.  Learn something new. Catch up with friends. See the good in people. Drink wine, or water, or whatever. Be artsy. Be nerdy. Wear glasses to make a fashion statement. Try a type of cuisine you are unfamiliar with. Make conversation with someone you don’t really like. In your mind only, curse the person who ruined your day. Vent. Go to the beachGoogle random topics. Speak your mind. Try out a trend that never appealed to you before. Wear colour. Put on your highest heels just for the fun of it. Daydream. Read a trashy book. Be fearlessWatch an old classic movie. Drive without direction. Dance. Listen to music. Play a sport. Hug. Kiss. Appreciate your life, you only get one chance to.

 

 

If I were the parent of a boy bullying a 68 year old bus monitor…

Firstly, I would be so embarrassed for myself and for my family. The Dad of one of the bullies was interviewed on AC 360 (I couldn’t find the link for this segment of the interview), but he said that he was sending his son to therapy. I say, screw therapy – the little buggers needs to be sent to boot camp.

We all know what is important in a teenage boys life: computers, video games, cell phones, going out with friends. He would have to say goodbye to them for the summer, and no, I wouldn’t care how bored he is.

Another great way to deal with this horrendous situation: community service! I’m talking disgusting types of community service, like picking up trash at the side of the road. If I could, I would love to see him volunteering in a kitchen, scraping food off plates. I’ve done it before for two weeks, and it’s pretty gross. Gross enough to make my son start to realize the damage his mistake has caused. Basically anything that isn’t fun would do the trick.

Then, if he has time, which he should,  he should read a self-help book, or take a class. On ethics, perhaps.

Yeah, it all sounds really harsh, but that’s the only way children learn – through deprivation.     Plus, if it was legal, a couple spanks wouldn’t hurt either.

All this being said, having over $500,000 raised for Karen is amazing. For a while, I had lost my faith in human compassion, but now it’s clear that there is compassion out there. It’s interesting how complete strangers can be more compassionate than people who are supposed to be close to you.

Watch the video if you haven’t already:

The ups and the downs of life changed me when…

I learned to deal with them. The good, the great, the bad, and the ugly. There are so many incidents in our life that defines who we are. Yes, it sounds lame, but acknowledging them is very valuable. So here is to:

That one tragic event that changed me for good. The day I know I’m over it, will the day I don’t remember the anniversary. Until then, I will continue to remember that one fateful day.

That humiliating rumor spread by some a$*hole in college. F$@k you, and all your accomplices. I want you to ask yourself today, was it really all worth it to you?

Not being treated the way we expected to be by the people who we know are our friends, but don’t always act like them.  I realize now that I’m not always a friend. I do things to hurt people that I don’t always know. So, I suppose, I’m ok with the fact that I wasn’t invited to one or two parties.

My weight problem, my fear of pissing off my family, my need to be praised at work, my constant desire for attention. In short, my insecurities. They will be the one constant in my life, and if I can’t eliminate them completely, I will learn to live peacefully with them.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I there is so much more that makes me..well, me! It’s not important; I would probably spend days adding to this and I would lose everyones attention. One thing is true though – the both good and bad define us, and facing both is important. That said, I suggest forgetting about Oprah’s life classes and the doctors who recommend ways to improve your life in Cosmo – coming to terms with the bad in life is the best character builder.

To put some light into unemployment

Perhaps your company has given you the summer off, and suddenly, your days are going by a thousand times slower than normal. True it’s a sad situation, but when’s the last time you were free to do whatever you wanted? If there is anytime to believe that the world is your oyster, it is now!

Learn something. It is so easy to sit around and mope, but the best way to get rid of your misery is to distract yourself. Take a class, learn a sport, even take a trip if you can afford to.

Get in shape! Yes, this even goes for you lucky people who are naturally in shape. Exercise is not only a way to lose weight, it an be a hobby as well. Not a fan of treadmills? Try Yoga, Pilates, or the new and trendy exercise methods like Tabata.

Read an entire book series.

Watch all the seasons of any TV show that everyone else raves about, but you just never got around to watching. I did that with Modern Family, and I’ve never gone back.

Look for other opportunities. Getting the summer off could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Spend time with the people you love.

Then, before you know it, you will be back to work with less time to do any of the above. Enjoy the time off 🙂

 

 

How to fit in in an all girls private school

I went to a private school for what seemed like 11 torturous years, only because for many of them, I didn’t fit in. It wasn’t until recently that I started figuring out why that was so.

I didn’t blend in because I spoke my mind and I expressed my opinions which clashed with those of the stereotypical private school girls. GIrls sort of like these:

Yes, they do exist, except they wear uniforms.

One of the keys to success is to blend in at any cost. If people see that you are different, or that your ideas may be better than theirs, they will start to see you as a threat. So if you tell one of the girls that the shirt she bought at Aritzia is not that exclusive and that you are, in fact, allowed to have the same one, you have basically bought yourself a one way ticket to isolation. Now don’t get me wrong, there were only very few times when I was completely isolated, but it was a rough couple years nonetheless.

Also, don’t be afraid to be a bitch. One of the girls might say that you’re one, but remember, they are no different. Girls are like dogs – they smell fear. Try to avoid doing the following in front of them:

1. Walking with your head down
2. Crying
3. Sitting alone too often

You should also try to always make friends with the right people, which in high school lingo, means the popular people. If they don’t accept you, don’t force them to. It will only display desperation on your part, and they will take advantage of you. Take Cady in Mean Girls as an example – she tried way to hard to be a Plastic, and she only got melted in the end.  Having said all this, don’t be mean or possessive. There was a girl in my class who was on this crazy roll where she was way too possessive and controlling over her friends, and she ended up graduating with half the amount of friends than she started off with. It was a super sad story, but she brought it upon herself. This is one of the most important rules: NEVER  dig yourself a hole. Because in private school, that hole slowly, but surely becomes a very deep grave.

In any case, high school is an awkward, hormonal time in everyones lives. Unfortunately, in an all girls school, the hormones are amplified and playing your cards right becomes crucial in the the dirty game of high school politics.

Be smart girls, good luck!

5 things not to say to someone working at a hotel’s front desk

1. “Why didn’t you put up a sign that the computer isn’t working?”
Well, ok…do you have a hundred thousand calls coming in at once? If you did, would you have time to make a sign, and leave the desk to stick it to the computer? No, I didn’t think so.

2. “But I gave you my credit card when I reserved”
I promise I am not taking your credit card to go shopping at Barney’s. Just give me the card so I don’t get yelled at by my boss for not doing my job right. Regardless, we will charge you and you are not getting anything for free.

3. “I would like to make a dinner booking”
“Of course, for what day?”
“Oh I don’t know yet”
*5 mins later*
“I still don’t know”
Well…I don’t even know…Why are you..? Oh forget it.

4. “No, you are not really fully booked, I know it”
You don’t know it, because you are not looking at the reservations! The hotels want business, but if there is no room in the restaurant, that’s just the way it is. Yelling at someone will certainly not free up a table for you. Alternatively, you could eat somewhere else.

5. “I’m afraid you cannot bring your friends to the gym during these hours”
“Why? I do it all the time”
If you do it all the time, then why are you asking if it’s ok? Just.Stop.Lying.About.It.

All of the above + 8 hours of stress =

Women are from Venus, some university students are from Mars

There was a time when a university degree was a one way ticket to a great job and a fulfilling life. Now, thanks to the state of America’s economy, university graduates are finding it increasingly difficult to find well paying jobs. The article I read in the Globe & Mail not only sums up how tough the job market is, but how misled students in certain majors are.

We all know those people who believe that the world will be a better place without corporate greed. Apparently, they exist more in Quebec than anywhere else in Canada, sending the Quebec university students to an entirely different planet. While corporate greed effects the middle class, and governments are taxing heavily, and doctors are charging high amounts for private healthcare, these three sectors provide high paying jobs!  By encouraging students to take classes such as philosophy and ancient roman history, professors are actually disabling them because degrees in these subjects don’t have as much value as science or finance degrees. (I admit, considering the financial crisis, a science degree might be more promising right now)

I am all for doing whatever you are passionate about, but it’s still crucial to think of the future. Philosophy gives you some valuable life lessons, and art history is fascinating but when will you be able to use that knowledge for a successful living? I understand that success has a different meaning to everyone, but I think making enough money to pay for a comfortable living is a common goal for society. Professors can preach their ideas on how students can change the world by learning about “life” and “history”, but it’s also up to the students to think about their future. Is the purpose of university not to get a higher education, broaden your prospects, and eventually find a better life? This article made me think twice.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/opinion/quebecs-university-students-are-in-for-a-shock/article2418431/

Siri, the iPhone lady, will kill our brain cells

Before they said video games made you dumb, then it was teenage drinking, and now, I can say with full confidence that Siri the iPhone lady will kill our brain cells, with vengeance.

Take a look at the commercial above. Is it really so difficult for Zooey Deschanel to make her way to the window to see if it’s raining for herself? Unfortunately, this is very representative of the direction in which technology is taking us. It is also extremely contradictory to what we are taught in elementary school, which is to think and take your best guess before asking for the answer.

I know I’m making it sound like technology is all bad, and that we need to go back to using old fashioned ink and pen, but that is honestly not the case! Of course technology such as computers and cell phones were invented to make life easier, and they do exactly that. Remember the days when you had to look up a restaurants phone number in the Yellow Pages to make a reservation? The internet makes that task so much easier because sometimes you can make a reservation online, or you can find their phone number faster. Now, Siri can help us do that too! Except she makes it too easy, and soon we will lose the will to use our hands to type a question into Google. Next thing we know, she will be making the reservation for us!

Now, imagine this: Siri gets so stressed out from demanding people constantly asking her questions, and decides to take a holiday. We would actually have to Google the nearest gas station while on a road trip, because Siri would not be there to find one for us like one of the iPhone commercials suggest. It’s a tad scary to think how long this might take, considering by now, our efficiency would have gone to hell. What’s worse is that Zooey Deschanel would have to find a place that delivers tomato soup on her own. Alternatively, she could learn to make it herself. Oh wait, I forgot! Googling and reading has become too difficult now. I guess we can only hope that Siri doesn’t get too comfortable on the beach…

10 Things Not To Do In An Interview

We’ve all had those interviews that have gone embarrassingly wrong. You might have stumbled while talking, laughed a little too loud, or let it slip that you hated your previous boss. Here is a list of small errors to avoid during an interview. I have learned many of these through personal experience, and hearing the experiences of others.

1. If the interviewer offers you a drink, take water NOT coffee. The last thing you need is for a huge coffee stain to join in on the interview. Plus, if they give you a cookie with the coffee, the crumbs will spill everywhere, and next thing you know, you can’t answer the questions correctly because you are distracted by the mess on your clothes.

2. DO NOT ever try to make small talk in your second language. It is awfully humiliating to have your interviewer correct your grammar when you are commenting on the beautiful view. Best option when choosing which language to speak: take the cue from your interviewer. Chances are, they will test you on the second language listed on your CV anyway.

3. DO NOT look out the window when talking to the interview, no matter how therapeutic it seems when you are nervous.

4. ALWAYS know the name of your interviewer. That way you can avoid saying to the person at the reception “Oh I forgot, it’s something like….”

5. ALWAYS dress appropriately for the type of job you are applying for. Do not wear Converses to an interview at a five star hotel. I know it sounds obvious, but you wouldn’t believe the stuff people think they can get away with.

6. Your first question for your interviewer should NOT be “Where can I park my car?” I once met a girl who did this, and she only got interviewed for 10 minutes before getting rejected a week later.

7. DO find a healthy balance between professional and friendly. If your interviewer is taking you for a tour of the building, feel free to ask them as many questions as you want about the company. Wait, here’s the catch: you want to avoid questions that you would only need to know if you worked there. This makes you come off as cocky because you think you already have the job. Honestly, if you run out of general questions about the company, ask the interviewer how long they have worked there for. It might start up an interesting conversation, but don’t get to engrossed in it. Remember, they are not your friend now, and most certainly won’t be if they become your boss.

8. Ladies: DO NOT cross your legs if you are wearing a skirt! If it rides up, you will be put in an awkward position of needing to pull it down in front of your interviewer. There are some details they don’t need to know.

9. DO NOT make a joke, no matter how funny it sounds in your head. Once you actually work there, you will be given a chance to display your brilliant sense of humour. But during the interview? Not really the right time.

10. ALWAYS try to tell the interviewer what they want to hear. There is a big difference between this and lying. Telling them what they want to hear is like, if they ask you if you are free on the weekends to work, your answer should be yes. They don’t want to hear that Saturday night is movie night for you and your significant other, they want to know that you care about the job. The only exception is if you are applying for a part time job, and they know prior to your interview that you can only work a certain amount of days because you have previous commitments.