10 things wrong with 50 Shades of Grey

Yes, the next craze has hit the stores: 50 Shades of Grey. I was really excited to read this at first because I thought “Oh, an erotic novel! It should be good.”

I was wrong.

1. Anastasia Steele: don’t tell me that at 22, you have never been attracted to a man before you met Christian Grey. It is completely natural, get over yourself. On top of that, stop being so desperate, needy, confused, clumsy, and overall stupid.

2. Christian Grey is domineering, controlling, condescending, abusive, and self absorbed. Basically, he is satan re-incarnated.

3. Nobody refers to their lady parts as their “inner goddess.”

4. Nobody signs sex contracts, except for in this God forsaken book.

5. Every orgasm Ana has in the book is more or less the same. I wish the author had spared us the agony of reading painfully detailed descriptions of them.

6. If a guy stalks you on your trip to see you mom, it is a huge ass red flag waving at you in your face. Trust it.

7. There are other forms of communication apart from e-mail, perhaps Christian and Ana should explore them.

8. College is about more than studying towards a degree, it’s about finding out more about yourself and your life. If Ana can make such a dire mistake after college, she hasn’t learned anything.

9. If you are mature enough to do BDSM, you are mature enough to buy your own bloody birth control.

10. Having an older woman sleep with a teenager is not normal – Christian is obviously screwed up if he thinks it is.

There you have it. I think if I put my mind to it, I could find 50 things wrong with this book. If you don’t want to read the equivalent of a never-ending horror show, I suggest you return the book.

Books that are recommended that really shouldn’t be

We’ve all read that book with high expectations because everyone we’ve talked to has raved about it. Then we read it, and kick ourselves for not spending all that time more wisely. This list goes from the bad books, to the absolute worst. Please, feel free to disagree with me.

Ok fine, so I’m not a “true” literature fan, but only because I thought I would die before I finished this book. I remember falling asleep while reading it, and waking up not remembering what I had just read. I don’t even remember enough of the story to expound on it here. Let’s put it this way: if I was a teacher, I would not inflict pain on my students by making them read this book.

 

 

 

I loved the books at one point too, but that was before the TV series came out. In retrospect, the books were boring compared to all the drama that the upper east siders stir up on TV. Some complained when the TV series aired that the characters did not look anything like the way they were described in the book (Jenny’s boobs and Serena’s face to be specific). The point is though, Taylor Momsen made Jenny edgier, which added to the drama. As for Serena, it’s impossible to find a woman who literally looks like a goddess. Blake Lively’s long blonde hair and height does the trick…over time.

 

I thought I would break the rule, and save the worst for last. I realize this was a number one  New York Times bestseller, but if you read deeply into the subliminal messages she sends out, you will realize that she was just really pretentious and dramatic. In the beginning, when she is describing how she feels about her marriage, and creates this whole scene of her sitting on her bathroom floor and talking to God. I disagree with how she went about her entire trip, because I didn’t fully understand why she had to give up everything for it. It was supposed to be a tell all book, but then why didn’t she disclose why she was unhappy in her marriage?  Her story is pretty common; many women travel to get away from the insanity of married life. If the author of Eat, Pray, Love deserves to be titled as a “best selling author”, then so do all those other women. Seriously, watch the movie. Julia Roberts is as fabulous as ever, even when she’s scrubbing floors…

How to fit in in an all girls private school

I went to a private school for what seemed like 11 torturous years, only because for many of them, I didn’t fit in. It wasn’t until recently that I started figuring out why that was so.

I didn’t blend in because I spoke my mind and I expressed my opinions which clashed with those of the stereotypical private school girls. GIrls sort of like these:

Yes, they do exist, except they wear uniforms.

One of the keys to success is to blend in at any cost. If people see that you are different, or that your ideas may be better than theirs, they will start to see you as a threat. So if you tell one of the girls that the shirt she bought at Aritzia is not that exclusive and that you are, in fact, allowed to have the same one, you have basically bought yourself a one way ticket to isolation. Now don’t get me wrong, there were only very few times when I was completely isolated, but it was a rough couple years nonetheless.

Also, don’t be afraid to be a bitch. One of the girls might say that you’re one, but remember, they are no different. Girls are like dogs – they smell fear. Try to avoid doing the following in front of them:

1. Walking with your head down
2. Crying
3. Sitting alone too often

You should also try to always make friends with the right people, which in high school lingo, means the popular people. If they don’t accept you, don’t force them to. It will only display desperation on your part, and they will take advantage of you. Take Cady in Mean Girls as an example – she tried way to hard to be a Plastic, and she only got melted in the end.  Having said all this, don’t be mean or possessive. There was a girl in my class who was on this crazy roll where she was way too possessive and controlling over her friends, and she ended up graduating with half the amount of friends than she started off with. It was a super sad story, but she brought it upon herself. This is one of the most important rules: NEVER  dig yourself a hole. Because in private school, that hole slowly, but surely becomes a very deep grave.

In any case, high school is an awkward, hormonal time in everyones lives. Unfortunately, in an all girls school, the hormones are amplified and playing your cards right becomes crucial in the the dirty game of high school politics.

Be smart girls, good luck!

5 things not to say to someone working at a hotel’s front desk

1. “Why didn’t you put up a sign that the computer isn’t working?”
Well, ok…do you have a hundred thousand calls coming in at once? If you did, would you have time to make a sign, and leave the desk to stick it to the computer? No, I didn’t think so.

2. “But I gave you my credit card when I reserved”
I promise I am not taking your credit card to go shopping at Barney’s. Just give me the card so I don’t get yelled at by my boss for not doing my job right. Regardless, we will charge you and you are not getting anything for free.

3. “I would like to make a dinner booking”
“Of course, for what day?”
“Oh I don’t know yet”
*5 mins later*
“I still don’t know”
Well…I don’t even know…Why are you..? Oh forget it.

4. “No, you are not really fully booked, I know it”
You don’t know it, because you are not looking at the reservations! The hotels want business, but if there is no room in the restaurant, that’s just the way it is. Yelling at someone will certainly not free up a table for you. Alternatively, you could eat somewhere else.

5. “I’m afraid you cannot bring your friends to the gym during these hours”
“Why? I do it all the time”
If you do it all the time, then why are you asking if it’s ok? Just.Stop.Lying.About.It.

All of the above + 8 hours of stress =

LA Candy Review: Not So Sweet, LC

I was never a huge Lauren Conrad fan, but I was a loyal viewer of “The Hills”. I suppose this how LA Candy sparked an interest in me, and to be honest, I kind of wish it hadn’t.

Well, that’s not entirely true. The first 3/4 of the book had so many trivial details, such as what Scarlett and Jane (the main characters) were wearing and how their make up was done. I felt stupid as a person reading these details , and was dying for her to hurry the hell up before my IQ dropped too low. But then you get to the last 1/4 of the book, and it becomes so intense. I kept reading frantically, so excited to find out what happens, then there’s a cliffhanger. OMG!!! (she uses texting language a lot…and parentheses). Now, I have been forced to read the sequel, “Sweet Little Lies”. I guess LC knew that without keeping the readers guessing, nobody would buy the sequel. This is based on the assumption that the sequel is as poorly written as the first book.

Actually, I’m wrong. Poorly written does not even begin to describe the paragraph formation and the detailing in this novel. Many were quick to assume that a ghostwriter had written this for Conrad, but the truth is, I could practically hear her narrating the story as I read it. Aside from the irrelevant details, most of the characters were extremely bland, with the exception of Scarlett. I kind of wish Conrad had made Scarlett the star of the show “L.A. Candy”, and not Jane, simply because Jane was so boring. Honestly, if I was Madison Parker, I would be pissed off that Jane was the star of the show as well. I suppose in all fairness to Conrad, Jane was a reflection of herself – and I never found Conrad remotely interesting.

I give the girl an A for effort, because the plot really did have potential. It’s just unfortunate that she wasted so many pages on useless detail. Having said that, I am guilty of currently reading “Sweet Little Lies”, the sequel.

I recommend “L.A. Candy” to: girls ages 13 and above, or girls who are mature enough to understand that the chances of them living a life in reality TV are slim to none.

Top 5 reasons to block someone from your Facebook newsfeed

We have all seen those annoying Facebook statuses that make you go “wtf?” Here are my personal top 5 Facebook petpeeves

1. People who constantly quote their children on their statuses                                          Ok look, it’s understandable that parents want to share milestones such as their child’s first word or first step, but not every damn thing your kid says! All children say cute stuff, and yes most of them say cute stuff everyday. So your kid is not that different from the rest of the children their age.

2. People who complain about their financial situation                                                    Yeah, it’s a rough economy, and there are many people who are in the same boat as you if not worse off. Expounding your financial woes on Facebook will not make them better. Plus, there are some details that are best kept private, and your money issues is one of them.

3. People who always tag their location, no matter where they are                                    We all might be impressed if you’re at the best club in town, but if you’re at Safeway? Not so much. That is all.

4. People who write obscure sentences without an explanation                                     When you write something like “I’m so sad, I don’t know how this happened :(” people are bound to ask why. For God’s sakes, don’t write that if you don’t want to tell people what is wrong. Either way, you’re just looking for attention.

5. People who write super super long winded details of their day                                 “Today I woke up, and said goodbye to my boyfriend. Then I had coffee with my sister, then I had lunch with my mom, then I went shopping with my best friend and now I’m at home with my boyfriend we made dinner pasta yum!” (includes a picture of the pasta). No joke, I’ve seen a status similar to this one. We are all happy that you had such a good day, and please don’t do this again.

What are your Facebook status pet peeves?

Siri, the iPhone lady, will kill our brain cells

Before they said video games made you dumb, then it was teenage drinking, and now, I can say with full confidence that Siri the iPhone lady will kill our brain cells, with vengeance.

Take a look at the commercial above. Is it really so difficult for Zooey Deschanel to make her way to the window to see if it’s raining for herself? Unfortunately, this is very representative of the direction in which technology is taking us. It is also extremely contradictory to what we are taught in elementary school, which is to think and take your best guess before asking for the answer.

I know I’m making it sound like technology is all bad, and that we need to go back to using old fashioned ink and pen, but that is honestly not the case! Of course technology such as computers and cell phones were invented to make life easier, and they do exactly that. Remember the days when you had to look up a restaurants phone number in the Yellow Pages to make a reservation? The internet makes that task so much easier because sometimes you can make a reservation online, or you can find their phone number faster. Now, Siri can help us do that too! Except she makes it too easy, and soon we will lose the will to use our hands to type a question into Google. Next thing we know, she will be making the reservation for us!

Now, imagine this: Siri gets so stressed out from demanding people constantly asking her questions, and decides to take a holiday. We would actually have to Google the nearest gas station while on a road trip, because Siri would not be there to find one for us like one of the iPhone commercials suggest. It’s a tad scary to think how long this might take, considering by now, our efficiency would have gone to hell. What’s worse is that Zooey Deschanel would have to find a place that delivers tomato soup on her own. Alternatively, she could learn to make it herself. Oh wait, I forgot! Googling and reading has become too difficult now. I guess we can only hope that Siri doesn’t get too comfortable on the beach…

10 Things Not To Do In An Interview

We’ve all had those interviews that have gone embarrassingly wrong. You might have stumbled while talking, laughed a little too loud, or let it slip that you hated your previous boss. Here is a list of small errors to avoid during an interview. I have learned many of these through personal experience, and hearing the experiences of others.

1. If the interviewer offers you a drink, take water NOT coffee. The last thing you need is for a huge coffee stain to join in on the interview. Plus, if they give you a cookie with the coffee, the crumbs will spill everywhere, and next thing you know, you can’t answer the questions correctly because you are distracted by the mess on your clothes.

2. DO NOT ever try to make small talk in your second language. It is awfully humiliating to have your interviewer correct your grammar when you are commenting on the beautiful view. Best option when choosing which language to speak: take the cue from your interviewer. Chances are, they will test you on the second language listed on your CV anyway.

3. DO NOT look out the window when talking to the interview, no matter how therapeutic it seems when you are nervous.

4. ALWAYS know the name of your interviewer. That way you can avoid saying to the person at the reception “Oh I forgot, it’s something like….”

5. ALWAYS dress appropriately for the type of job you are applying for. Do not wear Converses to an interview at a five star hotel. I know it sounds obvious, but you wouldn’t believe the stuff people think they can get away with.

6. Your first question for your interviewer should NOT be “Where can I park my car?” I once met a girl who did this, and she only got interviewed for 10 minutes before getting rejected a week later.

7. DO find a healthy balance between professional and friendly. If your interviewer is taking you for a tour of the building, feel free to ask them as many questions as you want about the company. Wait, here’s the catch: you want to avoid questions that you would only need to know if you worked there. This makes you come off as cocky because you think you already have the job. Honestly, if you run out of general questions about the company, ask the interviewer how long they have worked there for. It might start up an interesting conversation, but don’t get to engrossed in it. Remember, they are not your friend now, and most certainly won’t be if they become your boss.

8. Ladies: DO NOT cross your legs if you are wearing a skirt! If it rides up, you will be put in an awkward position of needing to pull it down in front of your interviewer. There are some details they don’t need to know.

9. DO NOT make a joke, no matter how funny it sounds in your head. Once you actually work there, you will be given a chance to display your brilliant sense of humour. But during the interview? Not really the right time.

10. ALWAYS try to tell the interviewer what they want to hear. There is a big difference between this and lying. Telling them what they want to hear is like, if they ask you if you are free on the weekends to work, your answer should be yes. They don’t want to hear that Saturday night is movie night for you and your significant other, they want to know that you care about the job. The only exception is if you are applying for a part time job, and they know prior to your interview that you can only work a certain amount of days because you have previous commitments.

My Sister’s Keeper review

Once again, I am a bit behind on the program, but I just finished reading “My Sister’s Keeper”. Similar to the last review I wrote on “Sing You Home”, I think it’s only fair to find the downside to this seemingly touching novel.

*Warning: this review contains spoilers. If you want to read the book or are currently doing so, do not continue reading. If you don’t care, then carry on.

Picoult addressed many important issues in this novel, such as family life, battling cancer, and being sued. There is no doubt that she researched oncology effectively, but how she rambled on and on using complex medical terms was ridiculous. At one point, I began to wonder if she even understood all that vocabulary herself. This is not the only unnecessary thing in this novel. Picoult added in so many characters, that made absolutely no difference to the story. Take Jesse, the brother as an example; he would have made a difference if his parents noticed him, but they didn’t! He was setting houses on fire, and they didn’t care as much as they should have. We know that Brian and Sara are pre-occupied with Kate’s illness, so please, give them one more child to ignore. Izzy, Julia’s sister, is another character who’s presence was completely irrelevant to the story. One would assume that she was only there to support Julia through her drama with Campbell, but their relationship drama should not deserve enough attention to add another character in for it.

Then to top it all off, she kills off Anna. If you read the interview at the end of the book, Picoult claims this was the only ending that made sense to the medical issue at hand. It might have made sense to her, but as a reader, I felt cheated. Anna went through all the trouble to sue her parents so she wouldn’t have to give her kidney to Kate, and in the end, Picoult kills her off and takes her kidney anyway. It would be disrespectful to force someone do a favor that major against their will when they are alive, but it is despicable to take something that they fought so hard to keep when they are dead. Honestly, between Picoult and Sara Fitzgerald (the mother), I’m not sure who’s a worse person.

While I thought that overall, “My Sister’s Keeper” was a heartwarming story, it could be cut in half and it would be exactly the same.

What your charm says about you

Everybody has charm – some just make it more obvious than others. Instead of writing a huge long paragraph, I’m going to take characters from well known TV shows and movies as examples; only because I think we have more in common with the actors who play them than meets the eye.

She’s sexy, she’s witty, and has a shoe collection to die for. Sarah Jessica Parker made her mark as TV icon’s Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City, and many people like her because she portrays living a life that is fairly ordinary. Putting aside the designer clothes and Manolo Blahniks, Carrie is a writer who lives in a small apartment in Manhattan. She’s not living in a penthouse on the upper east side, and shopping all day on Madison Avenue. Sure her writing career makes her more than the average person’s would, but at the end of the day she does her own cleaning and cooking (sorry, I meant ordering her own take out). SJP’s charm came from playing a fairly believable character. Have you ever noticed how people are naturally drawn to other’s if they are easy to get along with, and make an effort to blend in with everyone? That person, is the SJP in your life.

She’s one of my all time favorite actresses. Jennifer Aniston made Rachel Green so lovable, despite her self centered nature. People like this can be very charming, if you don’t take them seriously. You have to roll your eyes at their immature comments, and just remind yourself that they are amusing because of these traits. You wouldn’t love them any other way.

The bitch is back everyone! Kristin Cavallari has always been headstrong, and is never afraid to stand up for herself. We all know that person – the only difference is, in real life we don’t have producers to force us to be friends with the Kristins in our lives. These people are charming because they can be really nice, if they like you. If they don’t, well..good luck.

We all loved him on TV, but if Adam Brody acted like Seth Cohen in reality, nobody would talk to him. People like this are seriously misunderstood, because many of us are afraid to be different. Having said that, I honestly believe that everyone should make an attempt to have a Seth type nerd in their life, only because people like him are so honest and genuine. This kind of charm is rare, and seriously undervalued. Oh if only Seth Cohen were real, or at least still on the air….

And there you have it! Think about the people in your life, and try to find what traits make them charismatic – you will understand their characters much better. Good luck!