10 things wrong with 50 Shades of Grey

Yes, the next craze has hit the stores: 50 Shades of Grey. I was really excited to read this at first because I thought “Oh, an erotic novel! It should be good.”

I was wrong.

1. Anastasia Steele: don’t tell me that at 22, you have never been attracted to a man before you met Christian Grey. It is completely natural, get over yourself. On top of that, stop being so desperate, needy, confused, clumsy, and overall stupid.

2. Christian Grey is domineering, controlling, condescending, abusive, and self absorbed. Basically, he is satan re-incarnated.

3. Nobody refers to their lady parts as their “inner goddess.”

4. Nobody signs sex contracts, except for in this God forsaken book.

5. Every orgasm Ana has in the book is more or less the same. I wish the author had spared us the agony of reading painfully detailed descriptions of them.

6. If a guy stalks you on your trip to see you mom, it is a huge ass red flag waving at you in your face. Trust it.

7. There are other forms of communication apart from e-mail, perhaps Christian and Ana should explore them.

8. College is about more than studying towards a degree, it’s about finding out more about yourself and your life. If Ana can make such a dire mistake after college, she hasn’t learned anything.

9. If you are mature enough to do BDSM, you are mature enough to buy your own bloody birth control.

10. Having an older woman sleep with a teenager is not normal – Christian is obviously screwed up if he thinks it is.

There you have it. I think if I put my mind to it, I could find 50 things wrong with this book. If you don’t want to read the equivalent of a never-ending horror show, I suggest you return the book.

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